Coffeetable Blog

Lately, it's a rare week when I hardly come across some news through one mass media or another about the "evils" of spanking a child. So-called "experts" upon "experts" laud the benefits of alternative discipline approaches such as time-outs, reasoning, etc. This is well and good except that this campaign for alternative approaches is also coupled with a barrage of images and reports of children being maimed and even killed by their own parents in the name of disciplining them, trying to appeal to the emotional side of the issue. And from where I am standing (or sitting), I feel like more and more people are embracing the view that spanking is really the evil that it is being portrayed, to the point of excluding it from the arsenal of disciplinary tools that a parent can utilize to rear up their child.

As a parent myself and a Christian, and one that tries to follow "expert" advice, I am amazed and alarmed (at times, irked) at how people are hardly consulting what the Bible has to say about child discipline and relationship, and how it contrasts with what modern-day "experts" are saying. Here are a few insights that I would like to share. These are my personal opinions, and I am no "expert". But hopefully this may even help you save a few bucks before you consider hearing that next big "expert" pitch his/her ideas in a big conference:

1. Alternative discipline approaches are not new at all. As recently as my own generation, it is called by other names, such as being grounded, curfew, limited allowance, extra household chores, etc. The idea is that certain actions lead to curtailment of certain benefits. That's it. It was clear to me then, it is still clear to me now. In addition, the idea of discipline as a continuous process day in and day out is as old as Deuteronomy 6:6-7: "These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."(TNIV)

2. You are a parent. Isn't that obvious enough? Apparently no, with all the current emphasis on being a friend to your child, etc. etc. I am not saying it's a bad thing, but you can definitely stretch it to unintended lengths. The fact is, children need and look up to authority. It gives them a sense of order. And part of that authority is being able to mete out punishment when necessary, as much as you can give rewards for desirable behavior. The proper emphasis on the parent-child relationship is a prerequisite to the proper orientation a child will have over a spiritual authority.

3. Lastly, there is HELL. Huh, what does it have to do with the topic? Simple: reasoning can only get you so far. If you fail to heed advice, you are bound to get hurt. So, drumroll for the battlecry of pro-spankers.....

"Those who spare the ROD HATE their children" (Proverbs 13:24, TNIV). Notice the emphasis? It means that as a parent, withholding physical punishment to a child when necessary and at the proper amount is tantamount to hating that child. Why? Simply because children aren't all the angels we envision them to be: "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the ROD of DISCIPLINE (insert: not RAGE) will drive it far away" (Proverbs 22:15, TNIV). Physical punishment properly used is ultimately your child's life-saver: "Do not withhold punishment from children; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die. Punish them with the rod, and save them from death." (Proverbs 23:13, TNIV).

Granted, some parents do not mete out punishment for the sake of correction, but as a sign of their own immaturity. But as the saying goes, you shouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater. Physical punishment has its place in the proper rearing of children. And so much "research" of so much "experts" has led to no real conclusions, only interjections that they try to pass as scholarly work. Click on the pic above to get you to an example of such an article. Since their theory seems only as good as mine, let me end with my own theory: the best-reared children are those in homes where a proper mix of rewards, punishment (including physical), and close relationships operate.